Under the Spell of Social Media?

Five Ways to Help Your Child Resist the Temptations of Tech

Photo Credit: Disney Studios

Snow White fell for it. And lucky for her, she was saved by true love’s kiss. 

But when it comes to real-world temptation associated with tech in the digital age, our kids may not be so lucky as to be saved by fairytale magic. If you have concerns about how technology and social media seem to have cast an evil spell on so many children these days – maybe even yours – you are not alone. 

Last week, amid growing national worries about the mental and emotional health of children in the United States, Arkansas followed Utah’s lead and became the second state to enact legislation imposing restrictions on children’s social media use. The law requires that children obtain parental consent to create new accounts.  

Well, that’s a start. 

It’s encouraging to see leaders recognize that parents need help protecting kids from the addictive nature and harmful effects of technology and social media. But if you’re a parent, you need not wait on lawmakers to give your children the armor they need to help protect themselves from the poisoned apples (or Samsungs) in their pockets and the dragons lurking behind their screens.

Whether we like it or not, our kids often find themselves roaming around alone and unprotected in two-dimensional enchanted forests where they can easily lose their way and fall prey to prowling predators. 

Photo Credit: Adobe

Once your child enters a portal and steps into the virtual world, what harmful content might they encounter while innocently completing their homework, playing games, or searching for a cartoon character? Here are some examples you might be familiar with: Pop-up ads exposing them to explicit content and luring them to see more; words and imagery that invite them to criticize and demean themselves resulting in an unhealthy self-image; and false posts stoking envy or encouraging self-pity. Your child may even encounter material motivating vandalism, violence, or suicide. 

And don’t forget about the nature of the portals themselves - the phones, the social media platforms, and the countless associated mechanisms which are often intentionally designed to addict, tempting children to scroll and click and scroll, forfeiting their precious time in exchange for the next dopamine hit. 

Most of us have experienced some of this ourselves.

Before offering a few ways to address technology-related temptation, it is perhaps helpful to consider the concept of temptation more generally. 

These days, we most likely hear the word “temptation” when someone’s warning us not to eat too much chocolate Häagen-Dazs or talking about a 1960s vocal group from Detroit. The term may even sound a bit antiquated – perhaps something uttered by Great Awakening fire-and-brimstone preachers of the early 18th century during a sermon on Adam and Eve.

But antique does not necessarily mean imaginary. 

Generally speaking, one can think of temptation as a situation that forces a person to choose between the good and the wicked, often connecting a weakness or tendency in a person’s nature with an enticing opportunity for short-term self-satisfaction that harms in the long-term. Snow White, who perhaps skipped lunch, either doesn’t recognize or ignores the evil in her presence (Catch a clue Snow White! How could you not notice the sinister vibe?), and foolishly chooses to bite the deceptively appealing apple she believes will satisfy her appetite.

Photo Credit: Disney Studios

The English word temptation comes from the Latin word temptare which means “to feel or try out”.  The Greek verb πειράξω (peirazo) and the Hebrew noun massâ derived from the verb nāsâ, connote the idea of “proving” or “putting to the test”. Temptation puts a person’s character to the test, suggesting that those who succumb risk corruption and those who withstand the temptation emerge stronger. By preparing your child, you can help equip them to thwart temptations.

Below are five ways to help them resist tech temptation and stay on a path that can see them through the dark woods.  

1. BUILD A SOLID RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR CHILD BEFORE TEMPTATION REARS ITS UGLY HEAD

A strong relationship with parents, built on love and trust, forms the foundation of any strategy intended to help children navigate treacherous paths in the virtual world. Your kids need to know they can count on you. If you don’t meet their core material, emotional, and spiritual needs, they may be more likely to turn elsewhere to fulfill them. 

Try not to let work, school, or disagreements separate you. That can be easier said than done, but the effort is worth it. It’s no coincidence that troubles began for Hansel and Gretel, Pinocchio, and Little Red Riding Hood when they found themselves alone or without parents. Staying emotionally close to our kids seems to have a special power that can help protect them when we aren’t there. The love, accountability, and security instilled over time with consistent investment in the relationship can fortify them for moments of temptation. 

You can also share stories about how you’ve overcome temptations yourself, and how the testing made you stronger. Encourage your kids to share with you when they experience temptation, and attend to them when they do. Praise them for withstanding it and ask about the details. It will happen again, so keep the conversation going. 

2. INSPIRE YOUR CHILD AND HELP THEM DREAM BIG 

When faced with a deceptive offer for costly short-term satisfaction at the risk of harm, your child will be more likely to make a good choice if you’ve helped them dream big in advance and develop inspiring goals. Kids who see themselves progressing toward something exciting and meaningful are less likely to pursue cheap attempted shortcuts that lead at best to fleeting happiness and wasted time – and potentially much worse. 

3. SHOW THEM HOW TO IDENTIFY A WOLF IN SHEEP’S CLOTHING 

Use history, literature, the arts, and their peers to teach children how to think critically and especially how to identify deception. The “wolf in sheep’s clothing” takes many forms on the internet and elsewhere, and your child will need the ability to recognize lies, discern the truth, and envision consequences.  

A child can better resist temptation if they have been prepared to recognize deceit in advance. 

Teach them how to recognize when their peers begin to believe destructive myths about themselves and fall prey to deception so they can avoid doing the same. Point out the most common traps they will encounter and teach them how to take control of their thought life and their actions when temptations inevitably arise.  

4. TEACH THEM ABOUT TECH’S INTENTIONALLY DESIGNED TEMPTATIONS 

Max Fisher, the author of The Chaos Machine: The Inside Story of How Social Media Rewired Our Minds and Our World explains how some of Silicon Valley’s bad fairies engineer their products and platforms with psychological manipulation in mind. 

“It’s why your smartphone looks and feels like a slot machine, pulsing with colorful notification badges, whoosh sounds, and gentle vibrations. Those stimuli are neurologically meaningless on their own. But your phone pairs them with activities, like texting a friend or looking at photos, that are naturally rewarding” (26).  

Fisher goes on to explain how many digital platforms manipulate human vulnerabilities using “devilishly simple” concepts such as intermittent variable reinforcement. Think of your child’s phone as “a casino that fits in your pocket, which is how we slowly train ourselves to answer any dip in our happiness with a pull at the most ubiquitous slot machine in history. We don't do this because compulsively checking social media apps makes us happy.” 

Internet platforms, like enchanted forests, seem to be worlds with their own rules.  

Those bad fairies of Silicon Valley (and there are some good fairies there, too) are trying to cast a spell on your kid, turning them not into a frog, but into an entranced addict that helps generate profits. 

Teach your child about the true nature of tech and social media. 

5. CREATE AN ENVIRONMENT THAT SUPPORTS GOOD CHOICES  

The digital content our children encounter and the mechanisms that deliver it often have a spellbinding power. This combination of means and materials forges a daunting adversary for parents. Even if your child does make good choices, harmful material - spiritual sewage if you will - can enter your child’s field of vision in an instant. 

Create an environment that makes it easier to choose the better path. Perhaps consider trading the smartphone for a flip phone when they are younger. If your child uses her phone to tell time, buy a retro wrist watch instead. Keep the phones and screens out of your child’s bedroom. 

Need an alarm clock? Buy a wind-up. 

Eliminate some of the screens in your home, and create a public use area with a larger screen that all can see. Expect your child to keep the phone turned off and put away during the school day, only to be used in an emergency. 

And set a good example with your own tech. 

A 13-year-old child in Ohio died last week while friends filmed him engaging in a dangerous TikTok challenge that encourages children to overdose on Benadryl to induce hallucinations. Emboldened by tech portals and social media, the predator’s powerful 2D influence seeped into 3D reality, luring the middle schooler with promises of peer approval and convincing him to poison himself.

The U.S. Food and Drug Administration issued a warning about the so-called “Benadryl Challenge” over two years ago.

This tragedy provides a prime example of how the formidable coupling of tech and evil content can present a potent, perplexing, and often overpowering match for parents. 

  Photo Credit: Boston Children’s Hospital Digital Wellness Lab/Shutterstock

As we wait for lawmakers to do their part, we as parents can do ours. Give your children the love, wisdom, and inner strength they need to protect themselves from strangers peddling poison.

Until the next post,

Antonette